Good communication, being respectful and supportive, feeling safe and secure
From a casual fling to a committed relationship, your safety and happiness should never be at risk.
“With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.” Dr Suess
Checklist for a healthy relationship
Have fun together and take opportunities to celebrate your relationship You like some of the same things and share the same outlook on life. Shared pleasures highlight the bond between you. It reminds you that you belong together. You have a life apart as well as a life together. You are both independent people and self-sufficient, able to look after yourself. Your connection with the outside world also allows you to return to each other fresh and ready to reconnect.You trust each other to be honest. It is simply not practical to assume that the other person is dishonest and then wait for proof to the contrary. It is better to agree between you that you will both be honest and above boardYou ask each other up front for what you want (no mind reading is expected). No two people think alike. To avoid misunderstandings, ask for what you wantYou take a team approach to life’s challenges. When there’s a problem, you don’t draw up the battle lines. Instead, you identify the issue and work together to reach a solution. I want to quit my job. What would that mean for us? You listen to each other without interrupting. People who talk over or through other people are trying to take control to offset their anxiety. The people who are interrupted feel unheard You are both able to stop a conversation when it goes bad. Your relationship is fragile and needs protecting. Insults, accusations, harsh judgments, and verbal or physical destruction all undermine the foundation One of you calls for a serious conversation when something goes wrong between you. Don’t let problems fester. Someone must say, “We need to talk.” In this way you jointly come up with solutions and move forward, and it doesn’t produce lingering bad feelings that worsen over time You both fine-tune your communication by focusing on things to change going forward rather than bad things in the past. The past is a goldmine of mishaps. No one can change itYou both accept responsibility for what you said and did. You must acknowledge your words and your actions. You are not responsible, however, for what the other person thought or heard You are both able to apologise and make amends. If you didn’t make mistakes, you wouldn’t be human. You want to be able to accept the mistakes you identify and to forgive yourself. You also want to be able to forgive others You communicate with each other about problems before telling others about them. Don’t rat each other out to third parties! The problem between you must be solved between you to protect the integrity of your relationship You don’t sweat the small stuff. Some things just aren’t worth the fuss. If you are in doubt, ask yourself: in twenty years, who will know the difference? It won’t matter if the floor wasn’t vacuumed or if someone forgot to buy milk or eggs Together and individually strive for doing good in the world. When we join forces to make positive impacts, we honour the relationship between us
Relationships are like plants. If you want them to grow, you must look after them carefully. You must water and fertilise them, cut off the dead bits, give them sunlight and fresh soil from time to time.
